After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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