dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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