Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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