I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
