She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
