dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I AM VODKA MAN
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
