Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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