please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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