I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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