i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
false alarm, still single
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
