can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
