You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
