Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is Oprah even human
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
