It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
