I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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