Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
