Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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