So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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