hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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