I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
