I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
