i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I love you.
Bad choice
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
