I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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