she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
