His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Randomize
