so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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