If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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