I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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