Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
