so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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