I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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