I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How does it feel to date your dad?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
