Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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