you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
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My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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