it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
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I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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