I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
