Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
