There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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