Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
