Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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