i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
