i used baking grease as lip gloss
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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