Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
