I cannot find my penis.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
