There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
