Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
