I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
