1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize