yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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