you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
