It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This is not my ceiling
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
