dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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