You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
