we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
