i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Pants are for mortals
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
