thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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