shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
