where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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