"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is my gift to your gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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