I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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