Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
