Buhtt sex?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
