I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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