i can't believe i had my finger in that
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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