my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
