you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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